The Abusive Rhetoric of TERF Lesbians

And the quiet parts they won't say out loud.

Dec 04, 2020

Trans people are not a monolith. However, we did all collectively decide to express our pure, unadulterated joy on the surprise holiday Elliotmas, in which Elliot Page became quite possibly the most high profile out transmasculine person in existence.

As a petty Scorpio, I’ll shamelessly admit some of that joy came from thinking about how angry the TERF lesbians must be. But that specific joy was not unadulterated, as Elliot and other transmasculine people are on the receiving end of a lot of hate being spewed around the internet, and the discourse has been, well...bad. As a result, I’ve made the very restrained and totally measured decision to write an explainer debunking the myths peddled by TERF lesbians on this week of Elliotmas. I’m sure this won’t destroy my mentions or make the internet unusable for the next week.

TERF LESBIAN MYTH #1: Cis lesbians are scapegoats of the queer community. It’s lesbophobic and misogynistic to pay disproportionate attention to transphobia among lesbians.

A couple years ago, a friend of mine who is trans and thoughtful told me this very myth. They suggested I do some reflecting and listen to lesbians about their oppression by searching the hashtag #lesbiansafe. With a very open mind, I did. I read so many posts, ignoring the ones that were overtly transphobic and truly trying to take the others in good faith. I have reflected a lot on them over the past couple years. Instead though, I’ve come away with a much different conclusion: it’s actually very reasonable to be more concerned about the transphobia amongst lesbians than other parts of our queer communities.

I want to start by saying that yes, transphobia is a very real problem among gay men and others in LGBTQ+ communities, and yes, there is a lot more discourse about transphobic lesbians. Because of this, it makes so much sense to me why people are persuaded by the myth that it’s misogynistic and lesbophobic to be especially concerned about transphobic lesbians in queer communities. When we get more angry at women for doing the same thing men do, it’s misogyny, right? Actually, no. There’s a much different explanation here: transmisogyny.

Both transfeminine and transmasculine people navigating various queer communities are met with transphobia, which is unequivocally bad. However, transfeminine people navigating queer spaces that center women are often subject to especially violent transmisogyny from TERF lesbians. These lesbians take a page out of the playbook of right-wing bigots and accuse trans women of being predatory and abusive. These transphobic lesbians are actually the abusers in this scenario though. Weaponizing the transmisogyny in our culture to frame themselves as victims rather than the offenders to deflect criticism is an especially nefarious abuse tactic.

This hate and vitriol from TERF lesbians is based in the same transmisogynistic fear many cis men harbor against transfeminine people. TERF lesbians, like transphobic cis men, express disgust at the notion of being attracted to a trans woman. This is especially true if that trans woman has or might have a penis. Why? Because TERF lesbians, like transphobic cis men, see any attraction to transfeminine people as a challenge to their sexuality, causing fear and anxiety. Like cis men, TERF lesbians are confused about this attraction to transfeminine people and lash out with anger. In some cases, their anxiety is partially based in trauma due to conversion therapy or sexual violence, sure. But even this, at its core, is because TERF lesbians do not see trans women as women. Trauma is not an excuse for doubling down on and refusing to examine bigotry—it most certainly does not give anyone a pass to weaponize transmisogyny and leverage culture abuse against others.

While transphobic gay men also certainly contribute to transmisogyny, the ways TERF lesbians vocally weaponize it against transfeminine people on a large scale in their own communities is especially appalling. These transphobic lesbians reinforce harmful transmisogynstic stereotypes that contribute to the epidemic of violence against transfeminine people as well as anti-trans legislation meant to keep trans people out of public spaces. Transphobia among gay men and others in our communities is absolutely a problem as well, but it’s not contributing as heavily to the especially violent culture of vilifying transfeminine people, and they’re generally not as organized or loud about their transphobia. Therefore, it’s completely reasonable and not lesbophobic to be more concerned about transphobia from lesbians. TERF lesbians have been using these accusations of misogyny and lesbophobia to deflect criticism and gaslight us to avoid a much needed reckoning within their communities.

TERF LESBIAN MYTH #2: Trans people are taking our lesbians away! Butch flight is destroying our communities!

The existence of gender diversity within spaces centering queer women also fills transphobic lesbians with fear and anxiety because this, too, challenges their understanding of their sexuality. Like transfeminine people, us transmascs are really fucking hot, and transphobic lesbians don’t know what to do with their attraction to us (this is especially true for those of us who take steps to medically transition). Instead of doing some soul searching about transphobia, gender essentialism or the reality that most of us don’t fit into rigid boxes, they cry trans panic, declare that we’re just confused women and blame us for the destruction of the “lesbian community.”

Much like stereotypically shitty cishet men, TERF lesbians are more interested in what they find attractive than our bodily autonomy and would like to assert control over us. When they decry us discovering our truth and finding embodiment, these lesbians show they don’t actually care about us. Seeking to control transmasculine people this way and shaming us for living our truth is abusive, and quite frankly, makes me want to cut off my tits more just out of spite.

Instead of decrying the existence of transmasculine people, why don’t they embrace trans lesbians joining their ranks? Oh, right! They’re too busy calling transfeminine people abusive even though they’re actually the ones being abusive to trans people. So we can all agree the only reason “lesbian communities” are getting smaller is TERF lesbians...right?

All of this, however, is even more insidious and extends beyond intracommunity abuse. As we’ve established, if transphobic lesbians lamenting butch flight had their way, no transmasculine people would live as their authentic selves or have access to gender-affirming medical care. They don’t want us to have control over our own bodies, which sounds an awful lot like right-wing activists trying to take bodily autonomy away from trans people and anyone with a uterus. Unsurprisingly, many transphobic lesbians have teamed up with right-wing bigots to fight against trans people having bodily autonomy. These so-called “radical feminists” are willing to throw cis women and other people with uteruses under the bus and set precedents that give the government control over our bodies because they hate trans people that much.

Suffice to say, “butch flight” really isn’t the problem here.

TERF LESBIAN MYTH #3: Bi lesbians aren’t real! They’re taking the word lesbian away.

If you’re a queer person on the internet, you’ve probably noticed bi lesbians are subject to really vitriolic harassment campaigns and general hatred on the internet. Transphobic lesbians have successfully gotten a lot of younger queer people who are otherwise very pro-trans to buy into the myth that bi lesbians are not real and are actually appropriating the word lesbian.

Many queer people use the term bi lesbian for various reasons because language is deeply personal and often has multiple meanings in queer communities. One of the reasons this term has come about is because non-transphobic lesbians recognize they’re attracted to people of a variety of genders. These bi lesbians have opted to use language that communicates they’re not attracted to cis men while affirming the genders of the people they are attracted to. It’s honestly fucking wonderful that some lesbians care enough about the gender diverse people in their lives that they’ve given this much thought to the words they used to describe themselves and have found language that both describes their sexuality and seeks to affirm others. People yelling on the internet about how bi lesbians don’t exist are saying these lesbians must drop the label “lesbian” if they want to define their sexuality in a way that affirms the gender diverse people they’re attracted to, which, put simply, is fucking gross.

Obviously, there are other reasons people use the term bi lesbian. Some are attracted to all genders but are opposed to or don’t have a particular interest in dating men. Gatekeeping and policing people’s identities is really toxic and something that’s frowned upon in queer communities for very good reason. Language and identity is complex and messy and people don’t fit into neat little boxes. Transphobic lesbians and others who have been misled by their propaganda cry foul and accuse bi lesbians and the people who support them of lesbophobia. In actuality, this is a deflection to hide their biphobia and transphobia.

TERF LESBIAN MYTH #4: You can only reclaim dyke or use femme and butch if you’re a lesbian.

Much like with the term bi lesbian, many transphobic lesbians have successfully convinced many young queer people who are otherwise supportive of trans and bi people to police and harass those of us who use the terms femme, butch and dyke.

This discourse has been done to death, so I’m keep sweet and simple: bisexuals and gender diverse people have always been a part of communities centering queer women. These words have historically been used for and by all of us and don’t belong exclusively to lesbians.

As we’ve seen from the other myths, the rhetoric in our communities used to put people into tight, little boxes is transmisogynistic, biphoic, ahistorical and transphobic. Policing around who can use these terms within queer communities is just another manifestation of TERF rhetoric gaining traction.

I appreciate you tuning into The Trans Agenda. If you’re unreasonably angry about what you read, I suggest you take a deep breath and move on. The urge to unleash some wrath on social media may be strong, but I imagine you have something better and more worthwhile to do with your time. Just a thought!

If you’re not unreasonably angry, I’d super appreciate it if you subscribed to my newsletter. I also welcome you sharing your thoughts with me on Twitter, Instagram or by using the comment button. I’m also so appreciative when people lift up a post from this newsletter from social media or share it with a friend!

Did I miss a TERF lesbian myth you think I should write about in the future? Is there something you feel I didn’t fully think through and would like to give constructive feedback on? Let me know!

The Trans Agenda

The Abusive Rhetoric of TERF Lesbians

And the quiet parts they won't say out loud.

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